some thoughts from a 33 week pregnant lady

33 weeks today, and feelin' it.

it's just getting to that uncomfortable point...

can't breath because i feel like she's always kicking my diaphram....

have to pee every two seconds because it hurts when she pushes on my bladder....

oh, and all the sudden i can't do milk or ice cream??? what's that about? i mean..milk and ice cream made me nauseous with grant, but it was for the WHOLE pregnancy. this just started the other day so.....that's odd. and disappointing since most of my diet consisted of cereal and ben n jerry's. that's healthy right??

as of right now i believe i've gained around 9-10 lbs. which is about what happened with grant...i didn't gain hardly any weight until the last few weeks and i ended up gaining a total of 25 ish. so i guess with this one i expect about the same. 

also...i went in a few weeks ago for my 30 week ultrasound to check on that placenta of mine. baby girl had her head waaaaaaay down in my pelvis (makes sense cause i'm always feeling an uncomfortable amount of pressure down there on my bladder) so it was hard to tell but from what they could see, it looks as though the placenta is still out of the way and we are good to go! so that's a relief. 

guys...my hair has been SUCKING lately. i don't know if it's cause of the baby or what but it won't hold curl! and my hair has previously been notorious for going a solid 2 even 3 days with the same curls and looking great.... i don't know if it's cause i haven't colored it in over a year (this hasn't happened since like 7th grade), and so now it's too healthy? if you know what i mean? i mean i need a little damage to keep my curls, people. so i'm tempted to cut and color it just to see. hah. also..i think i'm over the bangs. i like them, but i know when baby comes i'm not gonna wanna do my hair every day and bangs are just one of those high maintenance things. so i think i'll start growing out a side swoop. in case you wanted to know ;)

lets get back to this baby that's coming in t-7 ish weeks. (we are secretly hoping for a leap day baby...i think that would be so fun....3 days early is all i'm asking for here, people). so i kind of forgot what i need for a newborn???? i've bought some clothes and i'm dying over how little and cute they are. i forget how tiny newborns are. it blows my mind. but the other day i was looking at a friends baby registry for her baby shower and she had breast pads on there and i was like OH MY HECK! BREAST PADS! how did i forget about this?? so i need to make a list of some things i need before little miss reece arrives. if you have any reminders, send them my way :)

i had a freak out moment the other day about giving birth again....just for a second. i had a little cramping in my tummy and all the sudden it just hit me, i have to give birth again....and i kinda freaked out inside a little. norman must've caught on cause he then asked "dude, are you scared to go through labor again??" and i was like funny you ask that because YES...i am. i mean...i'm excited, cause it's actually quite a rush...but just thinking about all those little details about labor again makes me not.......as excited. hah. i'm just hoping all goes smoothly. that's always my biggest worry...just hoping nothing goes wrong, or being able to handle it if it does. 

anyway....there's some random thoughts from a 33 week pregnant lady. the end.

one of those days

hi friends, morgan here. i miss blogging....i know i've been a little sparse on the blog lately but i just feel like i don't want to blog just to "blog" so ...i'll blog when i have something to say. and i guess lately i haven't felt like i have had anything to say. 

but today i have a little something i'm gonna throw out there...

guys....being a stay at home mom is like the best ever cause i get to be with my little guy ALL the time. but guys....being a stay at home mom means i am with my little guy all...the..time. which means i deal with EVERY tantrum, meltdown, spilled food, messy room, poopy diaper, etc etc...and sometimes i just get TIRED! today is one of those days. those days where i never get dressed or shower. i feel like grant is going through some weird transition from pleasant, easy, understanding child to...well...a two year old toddler. he throws more fits when he doesn't get his way, he whines, he cries, wants held all the time...it's like he knows a new baby is on the horizon and he literally wants my attention 24-7 (in fact as i type this, he insists on sitting on my lap). which should be cute, right??? wrong...sometimes i just a minute to myself to relax!! and i feel like he gets so bored being in our little apartment all day and i don't know what to do!!!! if you mamas have any ideas for me, please feel free to chime in.

plus, with said baby on the horizon and me in my almost third trimester (say whaaat??) i feel exhausted a lot faster these days. and sometimes i just want to be that terrible mother that lets her kids play on the ipad/phone/watch movies all day because i'm just too tired to try. you have these days, too, RIGHT???? tell me you do. cause sometimes i feel like i'm not doing anything to help him in any way, and then i think....man...it's gonna be even WORSE when this new baby comes..... ugh. i'm feeling overwhelmed.

but enough of that...i want to talk about my sweet boy for a minute because its been a long time since i have. he is talking a lot more and his personality is definitely becoming apparent. (which is quite humorous and i love). so here's a list of some things i want to remember about grant at 20 1/2 months....

-whenever saying bye to anyone, it is promptly followed by a "love you!" doesn't matter who it is...could be the lady at the check out stand...doesn't matter.

-this may be embarrassing as a parent, but you know how to facetime your grandparents from a few apple devices (ipad/iphone), and sometimes you call and talk to them without us knowing. 

-before bed we have to go find your blanket and you will say over and over "blankey....where are you???" and it's the cutest thing ever.

-speaking of before bed, we have a little ritual that includes family prayer and you are all about kneeling down and making sure everyone else is, too. if someone isn't kneeling fast enough, you call them out (mostly dad...) to inform them we are ready to pray and are waiting for them. (ex: dad...dad..dad.....*when dad looks...you hold up your folded arms, showing him that we are trying to pray, here*).

-you love the song popcorn popping on the apricot tree and can do all the actions.

-you also try to sign your abc's when we sing them and you can successfully do a, n/m, p, r, s and z. 

-you are starting to recognize your letters. you consistently recognize B, D, G, M, N, and O. and are pretty consistent on a handful of others.

-you love trucks, airplanes, trains, etc....we have a little air strip by our apartments and every time a plane takes off and we can hear them you say "MOM, AIRPANE??!!" you do the same when the garbage man comes...."MOM.....MAN????" (he skips the garbage part...too hard to say).
-you love the theme songs to shows on tv, it started with friends....you would be in your room playing and we would start an episode and you would hear the music and come running out dancing. now that i watch gilmore girls, you do the same thing. 

i could go on and on and on and i may come back and add some things just for my sake. he is such a joy and even on days he's driving me crazy i'm still glad i'm the one that he gets to drive crazy.

why i do what i do...

i a little bit hate this time of year....if we are getting right to the point. my facebook and instagram feed fill up with people graduating from college, degrees in hand, weird square cap on their heads, tassel's dangling, and choir robes.... this should not be something i hate, right? i should be so excited for my friends and family who have accomplished their goals!! and i am! but then it happens....

the downward spiral.

i was/am a smart girl. school wasn't hard for me...i was good at it. i wasn't ever that teenager that got the sit down parent talk about my bad grades. i planned to go to college and i did. after graduating in 2008 i went to byui and started school. i had no idea what i was going into because nothing really peaked my interest. so i planned to get a two year associates degree in generals and go from there. and i did. then i came home after my last semester of my two year degree and started dating norman. we got married,  he was going to isu, so i transferred. still not knowing what to go into, i decided i didn't want to waste money doing something i wasn't sure about. so i worked for a bit and after a year ish i decided to go back and get a cosmetology licence from the isu cosmetology program. it was something i had always been interested in and something i knew i could do from home. i graduated with my licence in 2013. got a job, then got pregnant and couldn't/didn't want to work anymore. i was exhausted and throwing up and a 40 plus hour a week job in a new salon that i had lined up just didn't sound appealing to me. so i put it on hold....

and then i had grant...

and it's still on hold.

so may comes around and i see friends graduating college with their 4 year degrees and i see friends i went to hair school with in salons and learning and growing and i start questioning what it is i'm doing with my life?! what example am i setting for my future daughters, or girls in general?? and my worth as a woman and a wife and a mother tank a little bit. because yeah, i'm a mom, but so are some of my friends....who have 4 year degrees....

my mom didn't graduate college either. she went for some time and then married my dad and had babies. and growing up i never thought twice about it. i knew it was expected of me and my 3 sisters to go to college. and i never thought that i shouldn't have to go or finish because my mom didn't. i never thought less of my her for not having a 4 year degree. she was just my mom. she did our laundry, cooked us dinner, made the best beds on the bathroom floor when we were sick, came to every single volleyball game/choir concert, drove us to utah every weekend for tournaments, stayed up late to talk about our dates when we got home, taught us how to balance a checkbook, made us practice the piano, and did it all so gracefully it made being a mom something i looked forward to. something i knew i wanted to do. to me, nothing else seemed as fun or satisfying or as important as being a mom. 

but the spiral still happens, occasionally.

and then mothers day comes around and i hear quotes like these: 

"when you stand in front of your Heavenly parents in those royal courts on high and look into her [Heavenly Mother] eyes and behold Her countenance, any question you ever had about the role of women in the kingdom will evaporate into the rich celestial air, because at that moment you will see standing directly in front of you, your divine nature and destiny."

and then the spiral stops. and i remember what i'm doing and why i'm doing it. and why i love it. i love grant so much and i love being his mom. it's the most fulfilling and satisfying thing i've ever done and teaches me more about myself and what this life is all about than a 4 year degree ever could. so yeah...it would be awesome to have a 4 year degree or be able to work full time in a salon, i would love that! i would be proud and happy and grateful for it. but not near as grateful as i feel for that little boy that i get to raise.

so i'll wipe dirty bums, and wipe food from his face, and i'll teach him to share and be soft. i'll teach him to be kind to others and how to treat a lady, i'll teach him to be a man of God and a hard worker. i'll teach him the reason we are here and why he is loved and important. and i hope one day he and my future babies don't think less of me because i didn't get a four year degree, i hope they know that i love being their mama and know it is why i am here and what i want to be doing. that the best thing i could do in my life is to raise them.

++ on a side note, i was giving grant a bath today and i put him in the tub while the water was starting to fill up the tub. as he got in he started grabbing at his private parts (as per usual...) and as the warm water usually does, it makes him pee....well the combination of the two caused him to accidentally point his little wee wee upward and he peed all over his face.....i laughed so hard. that's motherhood, kids. :)

weaning and a melt down

so i feel like some of you are totally gonna get this and know what i'm talking about...and some of you are going to think i'm a crazy lady....and it's fine. cause i think i kind of am.

it was a week ago, tuesday morning, norman woke up to grant crying around 5 or 5:30 and brought grant into bed with me as i nursed him while we both dozed back off to sleep. and that was it. i didn't know it then, but that was the last time i would nurse him. 

we were down to one feeding...the morning one. our weaning process started after he turned a year old. i knew i wanted to make it to at least a year...that has always been my goal. and you guys, considering how this all started....i am so proud of myself! in the beginning i remember my mom telling me nursing wasn't a pleasant experience for her and only nursed her babies around 3 months and i thought....oh my heck...i can't do it...three months is so long...how did she last so long??? i don't know if i'm going to make it 3 days! it hurt so bad, i bled so bad, and he ate so much! but thanks to good supporting friends and my fabulous sister who answered a million questions and motivated me to keep going....i made it to and even passed my year mark! 

so he turned a year old and i easily cut out the day time nursing. he was too busy in the day to nurse.... but still loved it at night and in the morning. then a few weeks went by and he stopped wanting to nurse as long at night, so we stopped nursing at night and just nursed in the morning. he would nurse in the morning forever if i let him....til he's 25.... but we just can't be having that. it was time. he wasn't sleeping well at night because when he woke up in the morning all he wanted to do was nurse...and because he knew it was an option he would NEVER go back to sleep. i was ready to be done. so tuesday evening i was talking to norman and kind of on a whim decided we should try not nursing him the next morning. and here we are a week later and fully weaned. 

each morning we didn't nurse, he would come lay by me in bed when norman left for school, pull at my shirt and sign the word "please" over and over. and it broke my heart. i felt like maybe i shouldn't have stopped....maybe i should give in and let him nurse until HE'S fully ready to be done. (i was feeling majorly sore and engorged, too...so it was tempting) i was having some major mama guilt. but i stuck to my plan. i knew i was ready to be done, and i knew he maybe never would be :) 

well thursday night rolled around, it was late-ish and my husband was asleep and grant was asleep. i had fallen asleep for a late nap earlier in the day and was not tired at all. so i decided to catch up on some blog reading. a blog i follow wrote a post about their weaning stories....and all at once it hit me.... more mama guilt...and the sudden realization that i would never....ever....nurse grant again. i had a major melt down, you guys. like...major. (i chalk it up a little bit to hormones from my milk supply trying to figure it's crap out...right??) but i just started to cry...my mind went back to the special moments i have mental pictures of...all the way from the very first time we nursed...to the times when i hated it so much i cried, but pushed through...to the moments sitting in the dark, rocking in our designated chair as he nursed and we shared the quiet peace of the night.. just him and me. the times he fell asleep and rolled his head back after he was done. the times he smiled up at me as milk ran out his mouth. i will never have those back. they are only memories. i went into his bedroom that night, tucked him back in and rocked in our chair with empty arms and just pondered the time we spent together there. 

it seems a little silly to think about how upset i was.... but it has been such an honor to be able to nurse him as long as i did. and a goal that i am so very proud of for so many reasons. luckily, that night i happened to be texting a dear friend of mine and we had actually been talking about nursing before i had my melt down. i told her about my little freak out and she gave me the best advice...as per usual.

she told me that i was a good mom. that she was proud of me for making it so long after knowing how hard my first little bit was, and that i knew what was best for grant and to not feel guilty about being done. to let myself be sad and let myself cry and then move on to what was to come. that i had so many more bonding experiences to look forward to with him. i will forever cherish those kind words from her in a moment where i felt like no one understood. thank you, my sweet friend (you know who you are). 

so...it's been a week. and we are weaned. such a fabulous and beautiful journey, thanks for taking it with me, grant. i love you, my baby boy.

a quarter of a century!

 

i have turned 25!!!! do i look older? wiser? better? i am now a quarter of a century old. that's crazy, right? my birthday was on wednesday, but since norman and i were in pocatello over presidents day weekend we celebrated with our families then. 

on sunday, norman's mom had a birthday dinner with the best avacado lime enchiladas, homemade breadsticks, corn, and BTS cake for dessert. she really knows how to out do herself, i tell ya. they also followed up with a birthday card loaded with gift cards to my favorite places! (cold stone, wingers, and target) :) thank you! thank you! thank you!

on monday, i spent the morning playing volleyball with some of my favorite buddies! afterwards, my mom made one of my favorite meals: teriyaki chicken with rice and rolls and corn! yummmmm! equipped with homemade asphalt pie for dessert. i tell ya....food is the way to my heart. apparently :) 

on my actual birthday, i headed to idaho falls to meet up with my parents and grandpa to go to lunch at red robin, then i came home to my husband who had made me german pancakes for dinner and chocolate chip cookies for dessert! (can you tell i like food a little bit??) it felt good bringing in 25 with an overload of calories.

this was the only picture i actually took on my day of birth! soooo.....happy birthday to me!!!! :) a big thank you to all my cute family members who made it so special!

some goals, i guess

like i have said....2014 was such a bomb year. but new year means new experiences and new goals and crap. ;) no, but really...i am a little excited about this new year as a little fresh start for some things i want to accomplish. i saw this little New Year's Questionnaire on a blog i follow and i thought it was a fun way to think about some specific things you want to do in the new year! so here are my answers:

A bad habit I’m going to break: my innate laziness. i really am naturally lazy. and my husband is so not...and i'm pretty sure i drive him a little crazy sometimes when it comes to that. goodness, i drive myself crazy. so although i don't mind being lazy....i need to not be lazy so often. how's that?? :)

A destination I’d like to visit: Ah I want to travel the world you guys. but alas...we are poor and trying to get through school with a young child...so where i would like to visit...and where i will actually visit are two very different things...i would like to go to new zealand....but this year...it'd be nice to take a trip down to st. george and see one of norman's favorite mission family's that moved there. OR head down to "the bay area" (you know how they say it down there....) and visit one of my bestest friends Ali, her husband Will, and their cutie son, Nixon.

I’m going to work harder at: hmmm...i could put the lazy thing here too....but i shan't. so i am going to say i want to work harder at being a better parent. I want to read books and study and really be invested in my child and helping to form him. Parenthood is so daunting. 

A project I’d like to finish: so, guys. i got a sewing machine for christmas from my oh-so-talented mother-in-law who could sew a coat in her sleep...or something that's hard to sew. and i have to admit...i'm not even sure i know how to sew on a button. but! i am determined to learn to sew grant some cute little leggings, and i really want to tackle some leather moccasins for him! i know that's kind of a steep goal for a beginner like myself....but i feel like i can do it!

A class I’d like to take: swimming!! not for me...i know how to swim. but i am planning to do a mommy-and-me class with grant this summer and i'm really excited about it.

I’d like to spend more time doing: i really want to spend real raw time making memories and having adventures with the husband and little boy and spend less time being "connected". and on an even more serious note, getting to know my Savior a little better, developing my relationship with Him and my Heavenly Father.

A food I want to eat more of: well...really...mexican and chinese. but if we're being "goal-y" about it...probably vegetables and more healthy foods. i'm the LEAST healthy eater of all time and i really do want to change that. but not all the way....cause unhealthy foods are da bomb, tho.

I want to wear more: accessories! i never accessorize, and i feel like it really pulls an outfit together. aaaaand lipstick. i'm always so scared to wear lipstick...but i think it might be time...

Books I’d Like To Read in 2015: religious-wise...i want to tackle the doctrine and covenants this year. there's some excellent stuff in there that i really want to get in to. personal-wise...i really don't have any on my list! any ideas of fabulous books i should read this year?? it's been a long time since i felt really captivated by a book so....give me some good ones, you guys!

christmas wish list: morgan

i finally managed to get my wish list put together! we got together with some friends yesterday and we were talking about christmas and someone mentioned that as you get older you seem to not care as much about presents and what you are getting. for some this may not be true...but for me...it has been. don't get me wrong, i love getting presents ;) but as they say...you start to learn that giving presents is a lot more exciting! nevertheless....i did finally come up with a wish list for this year.

1. A royal nails professional UV light. for a while now i have wanted to get one of these so i can start doing my own (and others) gel/shellac nails. it's so much nicer than regular fingernail polish and being a licensed cosmetologist....i can get the colors and such at wholesale! also...if i can get good enough...i want to be able to do other peoples! this brings me to #2...

2. Hand and Nail Harmony 5 piece marble tool collection. once i can get a little practice, these tools help you do cool designs on your nails!

3. recently, verizon finally kicked me out of the grandfather plan i was in where i had unlimited data. :( bummer.... so now i can't stream pandora and spotify wherever i go and however i please.... so i need to start buying music again, i guess. :) and taylor swift has been on replay at our house lately. i think i may need her new cd. 

4. satin smooth student wax kit. i have been in dire need of a waxing kit since leaving cosmetology school. i was spoiled there....could wax the brows whenever i pleased! and now....i'm forced to tweeze...and i am not so diligent at it. a waxing kit would be so nice to have! and i could wax all of your guys' bushy eyebrows, too!! ;) win/win! 

5. i'm not really a "wear pajamas to bed" kind of gal. i'm usually just in a t shirt and sweats or something similar depending on the season. so around christmas i usually ask for sweats/comfy clothes in general instead of normal pajamas. these under armour sweats look soooo comfy. and i love the new style of sweats that are slimmer at the bottom. also, hello apparel makes some cute stuff. i love this hello sweater in all colors!

6. i have been wanting to delve into the red lipstick wearing club for a while but i wanted a shade that looked good on my skin. after some pinterest-ing i found a website that said these two would look good with my skin type! now.... i have to be brave enough to actually wear it. :/

7. clothes clothes clothes!!! i've mentioned this before but i felt like after i had grant, i was waaaaay out of the loop when it came to my wardrobe. and i hate everything in it. and i always want clothes...lets get real. i have been loving all kinds of sweaters, cute baseball T's, plaid button ups, and since i'm nursing and can't currently wear dresses, i'm always on the lookout for a cute skirt. i've been loving the midi skirts! here and here. {although...i would never pay that much for a skirt....anthropologie...get real}.

8. accessories! this is one thing i always want but never buy. i just always would rather spend my money on something else. but then the next day i'm getting dressed and wish i had some accessories! i'm currently loving statement necklaces and these cute oversized watches. here and here. {again..both outrageously expensive and i would hunt for a less expensive knock-off ;)} i also currently love stackable bracelets, and dainty layering necklaces when you don't want a chunky look.

9. hunter rain boots. i know....these are so trendy and i keep thinkin they are gonna go out of style so i have never wanted to pay the money and actually purchase them...and then the next season comes and there they are again....teasing me in every cute pinterest photo. {by the time i actually get any...if ever...they probably will be out of style ;)} i'm currently loving these shorter ones. 

10. scarves and slouchy beanies. you can never have too many, am i right?? i am. i love this herringbone infinity scarf and these CC slouchy beanies. 

so there you have it!! and although i've only posted wish lists.... i know christmas isn't really about buying and receiving christmas presents. i have really been brainstorming christmas traditions i want to start with my little family to bring the spirit of christmas into our home. it's such a wonderful season, isn't it???!!!

happy december everyone!

a rut

do you ever have those times where you feel like you're in a rut? a life rut??? i have felt the need to blog about so many things lately and just don't have the words to write out everything i've been feeling lately. but we'll give it a go...

life is beautiful isn't it? the way it shapes you into the person you are? the experiences you have build on each other and you slowly become a new person as the years go by. i think it's so interesting to see people evolve. although, sometimes you create habits that are anything but flattering and you become comfortable in those habits and over the years they become a part of you. i had a bit of a "come to jesus" moment the other day when i realized that i had done just that. it was both disappointing, yet also a relief to finally pin point exactly what had been going on that was making me act a certain way. it wasn't something some would consider a huge deal, but it was something that i noticed affecting my relationships with those closest to me. it was great to finally talk it out with my spouse and work it out together. 

marriage is hard sometimes. it's something you have to work at all the time and i'm so glad i have a spouse that is patient with me. he isn't perfect, but he wants to work at it as much as i do. i love it when we really dig deep in a conversation and figure out what we can both do to make our marriage just a little bit better.

so back to that rut...i feel like i'm in a spiritual rut. i have a testimony and i know that what i have felt is true but like many things in life...you have to always be working at those things you want to last. and i want to recommit to continue my relationship with my Savior and with my Heavenly Father. i have many examples in my life of those who are continually working on that and i want to follow their example.

i guess being a mom has really made me introspective. i want to be so good for my baby/future babies. i know i won't be perfect, but i look at grant sometimes and just think, man...i gotta get my crap together. this is such a special little boy with such a strong spirit that you can literally feel. i felt it when he was born. and i have been trusted to raise him, to be his mom. my friend and i were talking the other day... we had babies a couple months apart from each other. we were commenting on how special they really are and how they just came from the presence of our Heavenly Father and i said jokingly, yes! they came to us as perfect beings and everything we do from here on out, as hard as we try, just taints them! now, that is rather pessimistic, and i did say it as a joke, but being a parent is daunting sometimes! it's a huge job and how i can teach him to do things i don't do it myself??

anyway....i guess i don't know if i have a point to this post other than i'm glad i am finally working out of this rut i've been feeling lately. i had a good talk with my husband to work toward a better direction in our marriage, i'm trying to get the hang of this mom thing, and i'm working on trying to grow closer and closer to my father in heaven. my dad always quotes someone...can't remember who now, but he said "we are not human beings having a spiritual experience. we are spiritual beings having a mortal experience." we all need a smack in the butt every once in a while to get us out of our ruts. i'm glad i finally had one. 

craving fulfilled!

remember that time i wrote this post about how badly i missed this sport?? how i craved it? how i wanted so badly to be a part of it again???.....well i got some good news!

as of tomorrow i will officially be a hillcrest knight assistant varsity volleyball coach!!! and i could NOT be more excited about it. they have a brand new coaching staff (which i heard was a good thing) and the varsity coach i can already tell really knows his stuff! he's like 6'4" or something and played volleyball down in california, so he looked the part. during our interview it didn't even feel like an interview at all. we just sat and talked about volleyball and it was so comfortable and easy. so i felt like i had it...i had the job. but then i didn't hear back for FOREVER...so i kept pestering him about it... (i wanted it bad...) and then a few weeks ago he asked me to coach with him!! i was ecstatic. i'm feeling so lucky and so thrilled to be back in the volleyball world again. to be doing something i truly and deeply love again! it makes my heart happy. 

sooooo...a hillcrest knight it is. and what is even more fun is, my dad used to coach there and my two older sisters played high school volleyball there. just keepin it in the family, ya know.

so there ya have it!! my "big" news. according to me. :)

***also...sorry for my blurry old volleyball pic where you can only see my butt, really (i'm in the black jersey on the right). but it's all i had that was decent and hadn't been used already. 

a verbal throw up of sorts

so i have wanted to blog for a while...but didn't really have a solid one thought to write about...so today's post is going to be a random throw up of thoughts i've been having lately....feel free to add any advice or input.

-first of all...did anyone feel like they hated ALL of their clothes after they had their baby? i loved getting dressed when i was pregnant. i don't know why....i think it's the idea that i was supposed to have a huge tummy....and showing it off was the norm. now...i hate getting dressed because i feel like i have NOTHING in my closet. absolutely nothing. and if i do...it's all winter-y stuff. i have nothing for summer. so i end up wearing the same 3 shirts and 2 pairs of shorts. or my sweats. and i'm annoyed about it. and i have this idea of the kind of style i like and stuff i want but i can't ever find what i want.... i am in desperate need of a shopping trip....but i have no money. aaahhhh the life of a young married couple struggling through school. whatever.

-second...that baby of mine is going through a real needy phase. he was sleeping a solid 8-10 hours at night for like a week and half!! and now we're back to 6-8....so that's frustrating. and he's having a hard time napping without me putting him to sleep. i think i need to toughen up and let him cry it out.....but then again maybe not.

-third...what is the deal with this kate kelly business. i actually have quite a bit of thoughts about this whole situation plus some other things that have recently come up...but i'm not going to write a big blog post about it. there has been enough of that...so here are some links to a few blogs, etc. that say what i think quite well: here, here and here.

-fourth...i had my first experience going to church and literally not getting one thing out of it due to my child. last week grant was a terror in church....i was basically walking the halls with him or in the mothers lounge the whole time. it's fine. one of many more to come i'm sure.

-fifth...speaking of clothes...i'm nursing...so all these cute summer dresses that are coming out i can't wear. cause.....how would i nurse with a dress on...you get the point. so does anyone have any advice on some cute skirts or other summery clothes out there that are easy to nurse in??? thanks in advance. although...i still have that whole no money to go shopping problem....dangit.

-sixth...anyone watching the bachelorette? i'm pretty bored with it, i won't lie. i feel like the last season i really really liked was emily's. it's the same crap every time...same dates...same conversations...same drama....but yet...i still watch it. and i think brian is my favorite. i think that's his name....which ever one the basketball coach is. anywho...anyone else sick of the bachelor/bachelorette a little bit? i thought bachelor pad was more interesting. gave it a nice gamey twist. where did that go? 

well... i guess that's it for now. i hope everyone has a fun and safe fourth of july weekend! see ya later, june!

today.

this morning i had every intention of finishing my blog post i began yesterday about my 36 week mark and some other thoughts i had been having about life. but when i checked my phone after awakening and my sister had informed me that 4 family members of one of my dearest friends had passed away due to carbon monoxide poisoning....i wasn't really in the "cheery lets talk about how my pregnancy is at 36 weeks" mood. although not a bad thing to talk about...other things were on my mind. and have been on my mind recently, and with this news, today i've decided to save the 36 weeks pregnant talk for another day and go straight to my "other thoughts".

stuff. things. stuff and things are so stupid.

 i have been constantly thinking of ideas to make my nursery "modern" and "cute" and "perfect

" in my eyes for our baby me. and finding the cutest most trendy little outfits for him to look handsome and dapper in. sometimes i get sucked into this blogging world and pinterest where everyone seems to have money to buy and do whatever they want to make everything look so fabulous, chic, trendy, modern, etc, etc. and i had a realization the other day while putting my little nursery together that i don't want to feel that pull and pressure anymore. and i don't need to. no one is forcing me to. i should be able to control myself enough to read others blogs and look at pinterest without envying what they have or where they are in life. is my baby going to care what shelves i got or where my rug is from or a "color scheme?" no. he's going to care that he has a roof over his head, a warm place to sleep, and someone who loves him. is he going to care if he's dressed like a baby gap model? no...he's going to care that he's not naked and cold. and that someone loves him enough to keep him clean and warm. sometimes people put too much emphasis on things that mean absolutely nothing. and i have been guilty of that lately. and have decided to change my perspective. i'm having a little boy. i'm having a sweet sweet little boy that my husband and i created using Godly power. i'm having a little boy who so far is healthy. i'm having a little boy who is being named after 4 of the greatest men in norman and mine's lives. we have created life. and we are starting a family together. doesn't that trump obsessing over color schemes and the right clothes? 

as i looked around my nursery after i had put everything in its proper place i realized all this. does my nursery look the way i had originally planned it to look? pinterest worthy even? no..does it need to? no...and as i sat there and looked at all that "stuff" in the room i realized that almost 100% of it came from someone we love, and who loves our little unborn baby boy. a crib from my sister. a blanket made from my cousin. a dresser made by norman's grandpa. pictures designed by a dear friend. a woody doll i received from my dad when i was little. a fire engine from grandparents and parents. a rocker from grandparents. a maternity picture taken by a friend. a book from an aunt. i could go on and on. literally almost everything in that room was a generous and loving gift from someone we love. nothing you post on pinterest is better than that.

as i heard about the death of these four wonderful people this morning....it reminds me again that this life is so precious. and "stuff" doesn't matter. "things" don't matter. people matter. love matters. relationships matter. it's moments like these where i am forever grateful for the knowledge i have that families are forever. that we will all see our loved ones again. but we have to always be doing today what we want to put off for tomorrow. because maybe tomorrow won't be there. maybe we will be a day late in telling someone sorry, or fixing that problem we have, or serving that neighbor that needs help, or studying our scriptures, or praying. maybe we will say tomorrow and tomorrow won't come. i know that our Savior died for us. I know that he is real. I know that he suffered for us so that we can live together again as eternal families. but we have to do our part. and today.... i recommit to be a little better and do a little more. 

feeling grateful for my eternal family.

***RIP to the Parrish family and my thoughts and prayers are with those left on this side of the veil. we love you all.

get a pedicure...get your hair did....

remember that song guys? by missy elliot? those were the days.....

anywho... i need my hair did so bad. i'm a cosmetologist for goodness sake (well..by license...) and i have almost 10 months of outgrowth. that's pathetic, no? it is. i have a friend that i went to school with that usually does my hair, but we now live in different cities and whenever we are in the same city our schedules NEVER work out....it's rather frustrating. because i'm starting to look like a hooligan. so i'm taking matters into my own hands....{not literally}.

my mom has trimmed all of our hairs since we were little. nothing fancy...just trims. but, she hasn't done it in a long time because as we all started coloring our hair, we just got it cut at the salon as well....and since i know how to do it now..i'm the designated hair-cutter. but i'm desperate, people. so tomorrow morning my mom will be cutting off roughly 2 inches of my stringy bottoms {thanks for nothing, pregnancy...}. but here's the good part, after i get my hairs cut by my mom...i've been planning to do a little bit of an ombre and keep my natural {although a little nasty} color of hair up top...easy maintenance. but i'm having my sister do it for me...while i instruct her. with bleach. that's fun right?? she's super excited...i'm a little nervous. but again.....desperation. it'll be fine...right? did i mention we're doing this tomorrow? right before my family baby shower? so...hope all turns out! wish us luck! 

by the way....

remember that one time i had bangs? i loved those bangs......should i do that again? {don't worry...i won't let my mom do those...too risky}. then again....i just grew them out. and i'm having a baby. and you have to do your bangs every day when you have them. and in the summer, because of my naturally curly hair, the heat makes them do weird stuff....so maybe i shouldn't??? but i just love them oh so much...and miss them terribly......decisions decisions.

 also...just because i mentioned pedicures in the title...i do need one of those, too. asap as possible {whats it from?}. happy friday, friends!

 

taking stock 03

 

Making : lost of lists on my notes app because i forget everything these days
Cooking : well..i cooked hawaiian hastacks last night, and pasta the night before. good enough?

Drinking : juice...a lot of it

Reading: The Night Circus....haven't decided if it's gonna be one i finish or not

Wanting: to get my nursery completed started

Looking: out windows...finally!!

Playing: hulu plus cause the abc app pissed me off so i'm on strike

Wasting: leftovers...i have a hard time eating them

Sewing: guys...really?

Wishing: i could find time to get my HAIR DID!

Enjoying: our new apartment

Waiting: for my stuff i bought from ikea to get here...it's actually in poky..i gotta go get it

Liking: that i just took my last pill for my infection. they make me so nauseous

Wondering: about that moment when i first meet my baby boy
Loving: cuddle-y pillow talks with my husband

Hoping: that my labor goes smoothly....

Marvelling: about how this little human inside of me has grown so much

Needing: a mani/pedi with some girlfriends. any takers?
Smelling: my new perfume. light blue..i love you

Wearing: leggings, sweater, scarf, headwrap {courtesy of navy perl}

Following: my friends and family's baby advice

Noticing: that my belly button is getting tighter and tighter...don't think it'll pop though

Knowing: that my husband is always on my side

Thinking: about a million things i want to do with the nursery

Feeling: anxious

Bookmarking: classy maternity photo shoots and nursery ideas

Opening: a lot of welch's fruit snacks. they're sooooo good

Giggling: about my husbands cowboy boots and huge belt buckle he wore today...what a cutie

Feeling: very...very pregnant

NYE & 2014

 

this year's new years eve was oh so great and fabulous. as every new years celebration is in our family. normally, we start our new years eve with my family and then head to a friends for some sort of celebration that is always happening. however, this year...because we live in the hotel that we're night managers of, we had to be in our apartment in Idaho falls at 10 pm. so....we decided to move to the party to us. my parents and sister and brother in law came to our apartment and we had a smashing amount of food and played games of course...what else. games with my family is always a treat. we were so excited to have my parents home this year for the holidays. they were on their mission last year and the holidays just aren't the same without them. we rang in the new year with red grape sparkling cider and kisses from our spouses. just how we like it.

 

on new years day we headed to poky to watch the bowl game between Georgia and Nebraska. of course Nebraska won...and it was a fabulous game including an all time record made by our very own Nebraska cornhuskers. and because I didn't feel too well (too much food the night before) we kind of laid low most the day and went over to Norman's family's house for some relaxing family time.

 

2013 was a good year.

I graduated from cosmetology school.

got my first cosmetology job.

we moved to Idaho falls.

we found out we were pregnant...best news ever.

norman started at a new school and is doing so so very well.

norman got a long-term internship at an engineering office in town.

we decided to move AGAIN to a bigger apartment.

and we are so looking forward to 2014.

we can just feel that it's going to be a big year for our little family that is growing...literally....my child is growing in my womb as we speak.

for some reason this year i haven't really felt the desire to make any new years resolutions. i really am just focusing on our new baby and getting ready physically and emotionally for him to join us.

i think that's a big enough task for my year, no?

 

last year i made the goal of no sugar....

and to try and be more positive in every situation.

 now although the first goal didn't last longer than a few days....whoops. the second goal i really feel i have improved on. although I'm not perfect at looking on the bright side every time anything happens, i feel like my attitude really has shifted a little. i plan to keep working on that and making myself a better person.

 

i hope all of you have big plans ahead for 2014 as well and i wish you all the best!

 

cheers!!