a rut

do you ever have those times where you feel like you're in a rut? a life rut??? i have felt the need to blog about so many things lately and just don't have the words to write out everything i've been feeling lately. but we'll give it a go...

life is beautiful isn't it? the way it shapes you into the person you are? the experiences you have build on each other and you slowly become a new person as the years go by. i think it's so interesting to see people evolve. although, sometimes you create habits that are anything but flattering and you become comfortable in those habits and over the years they become a part of you. i had a bit of a "come to jesus" moment the other day when i realized that i had done just that. it was both disappointing, yet also a relief to finally pin point exactly what had been going on that was making me act a certain way. it wasn't something some would consider a huge deal, but it was something that i noticed affecting my relationships with those closest to me. it was great to finally talk it out with my spouse and work it out together. 

marriage is hard sometimes. it's something you have to work at all the time and i'm so glad i have a spouse that is patient with me. he isn't perfect, but he wants to work at it as much as i do. i love it when we really dig deep in a conversation and figure out what we can both do to make our marriage just a little bit better.

so back to that rut...i feel like i'm in a spiritual rut. i have a testimony and i know that what i have felt is true but like many things in life...you have to always be working at those things you want to last. and i want to recommit to continue my relationship with my Savior and with my Heavenly Father. i have many examples in my life of those who are continually working on that and i want to follow their example.

i guess being a mom has really made me introspective. i want to be so good for my baby/future babies. i know i won't be perfect, but i look at grant sometimes and just think, man...i gotta get my crap together. this is such a special little boy with such a strong spirit that you can literally feel. i felt it when he was born. and i have been trusted to raise him, to be his mom. my friend and i were talking the other day... we had babies a couple months apart from each other. we were commenting on how special they really are and how they just came from the presence of our Heavenly Father and i said jokingly, yes! they came to us as perfect beings and everything we do from here on out, as hard as we try, just taints them! now, that is rather pessimistic, and i did say it as a joke, but being a parent is daunting sometimes! it's a huge job and how i can teach him to do things i don't do it myself??

anyway....i guess i don't know if i have a point to this post other than i'm glad i am finally working out of this rut i've been feeling lately. i had a good talk with my husband to work toward a better direction in our marriage, i'm trying to get the hang of this mom thing, and i'm working on trying to grow closer and closer to my father in heaven. my dad always quotes someone...can't remember who now, but he said "we are not human beings having a spiritual experience. we are spiritual beings having a mortal experience." we all need a smack in the butt every once in a while to get us out of our ruts. i'm glad i finally had one.